Where do I start with this post? When I first started out blogging it was all I could think about. Fast forward two years and it is still all I think about. Well along with my husband, dogs, house, contracts, collaborations, renovations, pregnancy, travel, blogging more, laundry, family, friends, not cooking enough, being a better wife, better person, Christian, working out more. So yeah there are a lot of things on my mind all the time. I am sure many of you feel the same way.
When I started blogging, I had a clear vision. I had a lot of big plans, and I was able to execute those dreams and ideas most of the time. I was sorting through folders on my computer, and I thought, wow where did that girl get all her energy? Now, I can barely make it up past 9 pm! Don’t get me started on trying to work out that is non-existent.
Life seems to come at all of us so fast. I will sit and feel like I am lazy then I start to add up all the things going on and I think to myself wow, okay slow down! We all have that need to prove that we are doing enough. The term I’m busy is just part of our regular dialogue and yesterday I made it a point just to connect. To put my phone away and be present. I felt like a million bucks.
John and I have the luxury of spending a lot of time together. We enjoy one another’s company and doing mundane tasks together. He is the first person I call when something goes right or wrong. We are having a tiny human together, so we are bonded for eternity. He has also been my most prominent advocate for knowing my self-worth, fighting for myself on campaigns with brands, sticking up for me when I needed it most, and most importantly just being there.
He hates being behind the camera. Cringes when I tell him we are going to take photos but he was such a great sport when I asked him to take these with me. We were celebrating our 5th Wedding Anniversary in Sonoma, California. I was working with a brand on a trip collaboration for the blog. The timing worked out perfectly as we were able to work and play. Thankful John supports both.
A lot of talks went down over wine and cheese plates about our future. What that looked like, where we would be on our anniversary next year, did we want to start a family, were babies for us, should we sell the house and travel, what were our biggest goals. I remember all of it in my head, so clearly, I also remember the wine. Boy, do I miss that! The night we found out we were pregnant John opened one of the bottles we purchased in Sonoma to celebrate. It is all about timing.
Timing has played such a significant role in my life journey. Lately, I have thought a lot about that and what that means to me. I started out this year picking my word grace. I did not anticipate it would be such a huge factor in my outlook. I broke down the other day because being pregnant is beautiful it is life-changing, and the sacrifices made are all wonderful, but watching my body change has been a little challenging. When my jeans didn’t fit it was a hard pill to swallow. And yet, I am so thankful for that all at the same time.
John has been nothing but supportive. He tells me I look beautiful when I just want to sit in my pajamas all day. When I find myself in tears at night, when I get down on my self, when I can’t do all the things I want to do, or when I just feel like I am not enough. We all have those low days. The ones where a bowl of ice cream and a bottle of wine will do just the trick.
I have them a lot. A lot more lately too.
The weather has been getting me down because there is at least a foot of snow on the ground. I walked past my high heels and had to tell them we couldn’t go out again today. My dogs are sick of running around the dining room table, and I am sick of sweaters or anything that has the word layer in it! Okay, I am done complaining now! Pretty sure that felt good though.
Needless to say yesterday I signed up for a prenatal yoga class. I was dreading it. Organized activities are so not my kind of thing. I had been sick which ideally was the perfect excuse to cancel, and I didn’t. I put on my too-tight yoga pants and had to change to a different pair after thirty minutes of research on the topic of “wearing too tight of clothes and if it can hurt your baby”…google it. Beyond me how all of this information makes its way on the internet. But I was sitting in the kitchen, and I thought this is stupid I am not going to go, and then John texted me and said, “I am proud of you, and I hope this yoga class is perfect for you.” Welp, how could I not go? My biggest supporter cheering me on?
Sitting in the class, the teacher asked all of us to turn around and introduce ourselves and tell our due dates. I was instantly regretting my decision to attend. I hate group exercises like this; I am terrible at games and situations like this make me want to crawl into the darkest corner! In the end, it was just what I needed. She asked each person to share their highlight of the week. Hearing some of the simple joys of women who were complete strangers was extremely encouraging. Nothing like I won the lottery but simple everyday things like we had a snow day, so we were able to spend an entire day together relaxing. Okay, thank you, my perspective is in check now!
The below images have been sitting on my computer since September. Today I passed by the folder and opened it up, and thought they were too lovely not to share. Will Khoury captured these for us because I knew they might be some of the last photos we would take before we had a baby. I love that there is so much joy and love in these and I thought that perhaps they would encourage you somehow.